Monday, August 30, 2010

Going Back to School? Not me.

This is hitting me harder than I could possibly imagine. I'm sorry that a lot of my posts lately have been somewhat upsetting but today school starts for my university and nostalgia is definitely settling in.

When I was in high school, I hated it. I couldn't wait to get out of there. Graduation was not bittersweet nor saddening. It was liberating. I was finally free. I broke the chains and was free to roam and explore the world. So, getting accepted into Marquette was definitely something I was happy about.

I left Chicago to go to Marquette to embark on my 4 year journey. I never knew how college would change my life and how much I would miss the people who made my time there so precious. I never knew that school starting would hit me like this. I was just on the phone with my momma (who I frequently partied with along with other good friends) and one of my friends that we both knew came online. His name is Omar and he's a great friend of mine, almost like a brother to me. Anyhow, I told her that Omar had started talking to me on facebook chat. She told me to tell him that she wanted to go out with him on Thursday night for a few drinks. That made me tear up. I couldn't believe something like that could set off my emotions. Maybe it's because I'm on my rag that I'm emotional? Or that I'm being really nostalgic about school starting and reflecting is making me sad? Or both? Who knows. I can't really diagnose my emotions right now. All I know is that I miss Marquette. I miss going out and partying with my friends and my family. I miss drinking every week (okay, I realize that makes me sound like a complete alcoholic but I swear, I got good grades and I made the right choices when it came down to going out and consuming alcohol. Plus, it was COLLEGE. That's what happens) with my roommate and going drunkenly to McDonalds or Wendys to get food.

Man, this sucks. I sit here at 1:30am wanting to curl up into a ball and cry about not being able to go out with my friends. They go and continue on with their fun college lives as I sit here in North Carolina applying for jobs and cleaning the house with the occasional beer here and there. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy I'm with my husband but, if you knew my past, college saved me. It was my light at the end of a long dark tunnel that I had been desperately searching for. To leave that light behind, was extremely difficult. It hasn't hit me until now that, college is over for me. At least until I decide to go and get either another undergraduate or a masters. Still haven't decided.

Oh Marquette, I miss you so much. <3

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