Friday, August 15, 2014

Baby. Fever.

Have you had it before? 
I know I have joked about having it because I see the cute shoes or little overalls in the kid's section at Target and it just makes me want to dress babies up in cute clothes. Honestly though, I didn't really have a strong desire to have them at that moment. It was just the cute clothes. 

Now that I'm creeping up on 27 years old, I have been thinking about it a lot more. I really want to start trying but something is holding me back and I can't put my finger on it. It's the most annoying feeling. Why can't I just say "yes, I want kids now" or "no, I think I will wait longer?"

Is it the fear I will have to give up my freedom?
Is it that we haven't had a honeymoon or even a vacation alone to fully enjoy each other?
Am I afraid of getting replaced and/or forgotten about?
Do I fear not having a social life at all, whether it's with friends or family?

I don't have an answer. It's all dependent on the person when they decide to have children. Due to my health condition, I can't really be sitting around waiting for that much longer. The closer I get to 30, the harder it will be for me to conceive naturally. It could still happen, but it would take longer.

My sister, Jennifer, just had her son last week and he was SO STINKIN CUTE. He was 5lbs 6oz and 18 inches long. Kind of a tiny guy for being full term but he was so cute! I couldn't get enough of him. I was at the hospital for 3 straight hours just staring at him. I even offered to babysit him if they wanted a night off in the near future. It immediately gave me the urge to run out and get pregnant. My ovaries were dancing around in my pelvis telling me to hurry the hell up already. But, again, something is keeping me from doing it.

My husband have talked about kids a lot. Even years ago, we talked about how many we wanted and what we would name them and all that happy shit. We even tried for a little bit about 2 years ago with no luck after about 7 months. It got too depressing for me so we stopped. Right now, our plan is to wait until 2015 and I'll just go off my birth control and see what happens. If it happens, great! If it doesn't, it's not the end of the world. 

I have considered living a life without children in it. I can see why that is appealing to some people. To me though, I probably wouldn't want that. If we can't have our own, I'm not even going to bother spending my money on IVF or any of that other crap. Plus, I'm too tiny for multiples. We have considered adoption many times. Even if we have our own children, we still plan on adopting at least one child. Why not? There are so many kids out there that need homes. 

Anyway, enough rambling. When did you decide you wanted children? Was anything holding you back? 


1 comment:

Jamie said...

When I turned 27, I went from "heck no" to "OMG, I want a baby NOW" literally over night. So weird.